Naruto Namikaze and the Mystery of Magic
by Acaykath
Summary: The immortal Naruto Namikaze, bored out of his mind by the tedium of immortality decides to investigate the odd happenings in England. He discovers a whole hidden society to mess with and an immortal dark lord to destroy.


Naruto sighed as he wandered the streets of London waiting for something to happen. For once, Tsunade had been wrong about something medical. Yes, his regeneration thanks to Kurama's chakra overpowering his Uzumaki longevity shortened the telomeres on his cells and aged him prematurely, but that hadn't been the end.

At the end of his life, he had elected to go on a journey to visit the various nations before he died and learn what he could about them, having already used shadow clones to master every technique in Konoha. Even with premature aging, his wife Hinata had died of old age ten years before he left on his journey, so he left alone. He visited each of the ninja villages, both major and minor and abused shadow clones to years of experience to copy out all their jutsu scrolls. It was fairly easy to learn even bloodline techniques after he had received a blood transfusion from Sasuke as an experiment and gained the rinnegan. He was rather proud of himself. At this time he had mastered every element that he had ever even heard of. The sage of six paths had nothing on him, he was the sage of over two-thousand paths. His eyes were no longer ripples with a tomoe for each path he had mastered, they were a solid black field. He felt content, ready to die. Then, he didn't. Chakra flooded his body as he peered across the veil of death. The next thing he knew, his body was eternally young and his eyes looked normal, though they still worked like a rinnegan.

Now, Naruto wandered, keeping an eye on the news for places that looked interesting, like they had new skills for him to learn, because, frankly, after ten thousand years, having only an immortal fox as a companion, you get pretty damn bored.

Then, it finally happened, as he was passing through a seemingly innocuous neighborhood. There was a series of popping sounds and a group of people wearing black robes and white masks and waving sticks around teleported in somehow. It was louder than kamui, but seemed to take a lot less energy, and didn't need a marker like hiraishin did. The cloaked figures screamed what sounded to be pseudo-Latin and energy bolts and projectiles, and in one case a seemingly living flame, came out of their sticks and attacked the surrounding homes, causing a large amount of damage. Not one to allow innocent people to come to harm while he could stop it, Naruto walked up behind the first of the cloaked figured, reached out with one hand, and snapped his neck. His allies didn't even seem to notice. He did the same to the second. There were six left. This time, one of them had seen him.

"Avada Kedavra!" Naruto held out his hand and absorbed the energy from the attack. He loved fuujutsu kyuuin. He released a small burst of chakra from his feet and grabbed the man by the head. A moment later, the man's soul was detached from his body. He always preferred clean kills. Modern law enforcement were always so nosy when you left evidence behind, regardless of how much the dead people needed killing. Naruto took out a scroll and used the fire sealing method to absorb the living flames that were still raging. Those would be interesting to study later.

Another series of pops. These ones were wearing red robes. Who wears robes? They are neither functional, nor attractive. At least they seemed to have a general idea of what they were doing. They set up a perimeter, then created a field of chakra that stopped people from coming or going unless they exceeded the power in the field. It was an interesting concept. He wondered how they made it self sustaining. They went through the rubble and found the people inside, teleporting them away somewhere, hopefully medical facilities.

Another group in gray appeared. They were now going door to door. They cast a few spells on the residents of each house before moving on. It was now obvious why this group of people were not more widely known. They covered up their existence quite thoroughly. Naruto activated his absorption technique as one of the gray robed figures approached him, though he suspected he would be able to dispel or heal any modifications they made, he'd rather not risk it.

"Obliviate!" The man pointed his stick at Naruto and a light gray wisp of energy struck him, only to slowly fizzle out as the man collapsed to the ground in exhaustion.

"You know, I think that one pissed himself when I did the same thing to his green lighting attack," Naruto said.

"Green lightning attack?" The man asked nervously.

"Yeah, he shouted something like 'aveda kevada' or something and green lightning shot out of his stick thing and hit me. Don't know what it was supposed to do, but I'm guessing it's not pleasant."

"You survived the killing curse!" One of the red robed ones exclaimed.

"It's like another bloody Boy-Who-Lived!" Another shouted. Now all the stick holders were gathering around.

"Boy-Who-Lived?" Naruto asked.

"You know, Harry Potter!" One of the stick wavers replied.

"You may not have thought of this, but if I don't carry one of your little sticks, I probably don't keep track of your celebrities either." The man blushed in embarrassment at Naruto's logic.

"Those men you killed are Death Eaters, a terrorist group that work for a Dark Lord known as Voldemort. About fifteen years ago, Voldemort attacked the Potter family. The baby Harry potter was the only survivor when Voldemort's killing curse was somehow reflected back at him. Until then and up until now, no one else has been able to survive being hit with that curse, or even block it. The only defense was to not be hit with it."

"Isn't that just smart tactics... Why block when you can dodge? Dodging is less likely to cause you injury and you can usually pull off a counter attack while dodging. So why are you erasing people's memories?" Naruto asked.

"We have to enforce the International Statute of Secrecy. It's a treaty that was created to avoid witch burnings from catching actual witches and wizards. And now, it is just so that we are not hunted down and enslaved for our powers since the muggles have such a numerical advantage."

"Why not just teach muggles magic?" Naruto asked.

"Muggles can't do magic!" Several of the robed idiots sputtered.

"All my abilities are things that muggles can learn to do given the proper training, therefore, if I can use my abilities to use magic, then with the training techniques I know and the magic techniques you know, muggles could be turned into witches and wizards." Naruto crouched down and snatched the stick from the one who had tried to erase his memories. When he stood up again he asked, "So, what's the simplest thing to do with one of these sticks."

"Err... I suppose that would be the the lighting charm." The man held out his wand straight up like a candle. "Lumos!" The end of the wand lit up like a light bulb. "Nox!" The light disappeared.

"Do you do anything other than say the words? Do you push energy into the stick? Do you picture what you want to happen?" Naruto asked.

"You need you will the magic to make the effect and allow the magic to flow into the wand. Using the right amount of power is important for some spells, for this charm, it will just make it brighter."

"Okay, lets try this then." Naruto said, allowing a small trickle of chakra to flow into the wand. He knew a small trickle for him was probably equivalent to the combined chakras of every person around him. "You might want to shield your eyes, Lumos!" It was so bright that the sun looked dark in comparison. "Nox!"

"My eyes!" Naruto pegged this guy as the stupid one. He had apparently looked directly at it despite the warning. Everyone else was looking at him with awe.

"I warned you." Naruto tossed the stick back to its owner. Now that he had used it, he had figured out how it had worked, he only needed to do a quick medical exam to be sure. He grabbed the red robed idiot, his hand glowing green with healing chakra. It had taken many years to get the control to even start learning medical jutsu, but with his power it was worth it. He often didn't even bother with complex surgeries, he would just flood the body with healing chakra and have it heal faster than it could die. Unfortunately brain and nerve tissue were finicky and he had to do those by hand.

He did a full body diagnostic and found that the man had a bloodline, an extra ninth gate in the brain that released chakra that eventually pooled near the stomach which is what they used to cast their spells. This energy was not used directly though, instead, it was used to manipulate the natural energy in the environment. Being a sage, he was used to manipulating natural energy, but this was a new method for him, and they did get the increased healing, super strength, and nigh invulnerability that he got when manipulating natural energy.

"So, that's the difference between wizards and muggles. Not all that much of a difference. I've seen much better bloodline abilities." Naruto said.

"My eyes are healed!"

"That's impossible. There aren't any spells or potions to heal the eyes."

"Muggles have had eye treatments for years," Naruto pointed out, "Have you been living under a rock?"

"Muggles? Those barbarians who think bleeding and leeches are medical care? I'd rather let nature take its course than let them cut me open." Naruto was now considering reblinding the man.

"So where would I find books on how to do this magic stuff?"

"On Charing Cross Road there's a pub called the Leakey Cauldron. If you go through it, you get to the wizarding shopping district."

"Okay, this should keep me busy for a week. And, if I'm feeling charitable, I might even take care of your Dark Lord problem while I'm at it." Naruto grinned before disappearing in a swirl.

Naruto appeared at Charing Cross Road and soon found the mentioned pub. It was surrounded with a barrier similar to the one erected by the red robed people who had come to clean up after the black robed ones.

The first thing Naruto noticed was that people were using honest to goodness gold coins to pay for their drinks. He didn't know what the drink was, but it had better have been pretty damn good if you needed to use gold to buy it. He saw someone tap three bricks with their stick on the back wall, causing it to morph into an archway into a shopping district. That was a pretty cool trick. He copied them, using his finger imbued with chakra instead of a wand.

He immediately headed towards the big marble building. Since it was obviously a bank and he would need wizarding currency. Having lived for several thousand years, he had built up a rather sizable nest egg that he had clones manage for him. It was all under many identities and business names, but he was by far the richest man in the world by a factor of a few zeroes. It also helped that he kept up to date with every discipline that existed. He almost felt bad for when he had thought the sharingan was cheating.

When Naruto saw who was running the bank, he couldn't help but smile. There had been exactly one akki war in japan. They bred quickly and were cruel, hard-assed, bloodthirsty expansionists, though not necessarily evil. He has spent almost twenty years trying to create the perfect garden. The day he had succeeded, but before he had a chance to show it off, the akki hoards had trampled it in their initial attack. And, they had done something far, far worse: they had pissed off Naruto Uzumaki. Of the army of half billion akki, there were less that ten thousand remaining at the end of the day. The entire race had decided after that resounding failure to up and leave Japan never to return. This was going to be fun.

Naruto walked up to the goblin teller with a feral smile on his face.

"What do you want human?" The goblin spat.

"Such disrespect, akki." Naruto let out a blast of killing intent that filled the building and brought all business to a halt. "Did your race not learn their lesson in Japan when you trampled my flower garden? Or shall I give you a refresher course?" Naruto's voice was soft and calm, but he was sure that at least half the goblins heard him. Several paled. One screamed like a girl. A few fainted.

"Err, of course sir. Sorry sir. Just a bad day, sir. What can Gringotts London do for you today sir?" The teller asked.

Naruto released his killing intent but kept his predatory smile. "I have recently discovered these witches and wizards and want to make a few purchases. Is it possible to exchange muggle money for wizard money? And if so, can you describe the wizarding currency and tell me the exchange rate?"

"Of course. The smallest denomination is the bronze knut."

"It's made of solid bronze? Not some sort of alloy, or plated?"

"Of course not. All coins minted by Gringotts are one-hundred percent pure. We pride ourselved on the quality of out metal works. For twenty-nine knuts, you get a silver sickle. Seventeen sickles gets you a gold galleon. The exchange rate is currently high at five pounds and seventeen pence to the galleon due to the state of unrest in the wizarding world."

"How many galleons and sickles does Gringotts keep in stock?" Naruto asked. If they were going to sell seven hundred pounds sterling worth of gold for five pounds, who was he not to take advantage of their generosity.

"Why would you want to know?" The goblin asked suspiciously.

"I want to convert them all," Naruto replied, "As well as any stockpiles of gold and silver you would use to mint new coins at the same rate. You might as well start informing the wizards that they are moving to muggle currency, after all, this currency isn't legal, and it would be a shame if I had to inform the legal government of Great Britain of a group of people creating counterfeit currency. Perhaps instead, you should make a deal with the government to ensure that their currency cannot be counterfeited."

The goblin nodded nervously. "I'll inform King Ragnok of your demands."

Two hours later, Naruto walked out of the bank with a grin. Using a combination of seals and kamui, and goblin labor, every Galleon and Sickle was now replaced with British pounds, though his clones had needed to visit nearly every bank in the country to acquire enough hard currency to replace the gold and silver which would soon be melted down and sold around the world. His clones were now repeating the procedure globally in every Gringotts branch. Too bad the Swiss gnomes were not as stupid as the goblins. They had a limit on the amount of currency you could convert, and their galleons were nigh invulnerable, at least until he flushed them out using some nice potent youki to overpower the enchantments, then it turned out that they were in fact plated and only worth the conversion price.

Naruto left the bank and headed to the book store called Flourish and Blotts. He walked up to the counter.

"Yes, can I help you?" The man asked.

"I'd like one of everything, even things you need to special order. I don't care how rare, expensive, strange, disliked, feared, or whatever the books are. I want to have the most complete magical library in the world by the time were done."

"That could take some time." The man pulled out some large books with the names of printing houses as titles. He tapped a mark on each of them and sheaves of parchment appeared on top of them. "These are order forms for my suppliers. Fill them out with blood. The total will appear at the bottom, then you just send your order by owl."

"Thanks." Naruto opened a small kamui and allowed a few hundred galleons to drop onto the counter, then sent the order forms to his sealing clones since they already had a supply of blood ink. He noticed that there were sections of the order form such as necromancy that were hidden under layers of genjutsu to keep people from seeing them. He assumed that these arts were considered illegal, but it was better to know what the bad guys were capable of and how their techniques worked than to be caught off guard by them. Besides, there was always a chance to find a less objectionable way to do it, like when he'd performed edo tensei by sacrificing a pudding cup. Admittedly, the technique was not quite as formidable, but if you just wanted to chat for a few hours with an old friend, it was great. He still needed to at least use a chicken if he wanted it battle worthy.

Naruto walked out of the store. Suddenly, several pops were heard. About a dozen of the black robed guys had appeared in the middle of the street and had begun attacking the crowd. One was different though, he wore a silver mask. Naruto sent out a trio of clones to capture him alive. The man was knocked unconscious and dragged into a kamui two seconds later. Then, Naruto began to systematically kill the grunts, knowing his clones would already be working on torturing the bastard for information. He saw some children begin fighting back. That really pissed him off. The adults were running away scared while the children fought. This society was messed up. A jet of green headed towards a little girl. Naruto now knew what that spell was for, he couldn't let it hit a kit, one of the cowards, sure, but not a kid. He did a shunshin and landed in front of the kid.

"Shinra Tensei!" The green light was blasted back, slamming into its caster, then the gravity wave hit the death eaters and several civilians, knocking them all on their asses. He had made it a short range but high power one. Everyone was looking at Naruto now. "Banshou Tennin!" The remaining death eaters flew towards me. He generated a chakra receiving rod and channeled wind chakra through the metal. The death eaters would not be eating anything ever again now that they had no heads. Damn was that a messy way to finish. Decapitations always spray blood all over the place. Naruto dropped the chakra rod. The wind chakra allowed it to sink a good two feet into the stone before it stopped. Using a combination of wind, water, and fire, chakra, Naruto gave himself a quick steam cleaning to get rid of the blood. A dead blond ponce dropped out of a kamui. Naruto had ripped the location of the man's house from his soul despite the protections of the fidelus charm. Now he knew where this Lord Voldemort was, but first he had some forms to mail... Or not, he saw a few of his clones pop out of a Kamui and head into the owl post office.

Naruto opened a Kamui right through the wards. They really weren't designed to stop someone like him. He made a few hundred exploding clones and transformed them into death eaters, then headed straight to the main banquet hall where he knew this Voldemort character would be holding court.

"Lucius is late," Voldemort hissed angrily, tapping his fingers impatiently on the arm of his throne.

"Yes, poor late Lucius. I hardly knew him. He broke after less that five minutes of torture, can you believe that. You would think that the minions of a dark lord could have at least a little stamina for rough play." Naruto boldly strolled into the room.

"You killed him?" the dark lord asked.

"Wasn't difficult. Doubt you'll be much harder unless you're the type to run like a pansy every time you meet a half decent opponent. But, then, I heard that you can't be killed. I've heard the same things about me. So how about we take turns. You try to kill me, and I won't even try to stop you. If you fail, then I do the same to you until one of us succeeds."

"You are confident." Voldemort pointed his wand at Naruto who just stood there smiling. "Avada Kedavra!"

Naruto absorbed the energy and smiled. "My turn."

"What are you going to do?" For the first time, Voldemort looked worried.

"I thought I'd drop a building on you." Naruto went intangible as the Malfoy manor exploded, killing almost every living death eater, including the Lestranges and the Malfoys, which meant that the vault of Bellatrix and the horcrux inside would be inherited by Harry Potter as the head of the Black family. It also killed the snake Nagini and the horcrux within her.

Naruto leapt out of the rubble and regained solid form. Voldemort followed in a wraith form. Voldemort then did the stupidest thing he could have done to a person with an immortal demon sealed inside of them, he tried to possess Naruto. Kurama now had himself an eternal chew toy. The shinigami laughed at how he had finally caught Tom Marvolo Riddle.

Meanwhile, at several printing houses, several envelopes transformed into clones and hand delivered their order forms. A few hours later, they were stocking their library in the kamui realm with a magical section after having clones read the books. He was especially interested in arithmancy and runes. Arithmancy was used for spellcrafting, it described a spell mathematically. In theory, any effect could be created arithmetically and turned into a spell. Runes on the other hand were like anti-sealing. Where sealing was passive, runes were active. Naruto was sure the two were part of the same discipline and could be combined. He already had a theory for removing the target marker for the hiraishin.

For now, however, he had decided to visit Hogwarts. It seemed like a pretty important place, and he wanted to see what was so special about this boy who lived. Besides, he had a nice Christmas present for the boy. He used a public floo in the Leaky Cauldron to get to the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade. Fortunately his years of ninja training allowed him to exit gracefully, though now that he knew the location, he would definitely use his own travel methods.

Naruto walked up the road through the gates of the castle. The wards didn't stop him at all. His chakra levels meant that he could walk through the muggle repelling wards, and the other wards didn't recognize him as a wizard, thus he was merely wildlife to be ignored. They really needed to fix such glaring loopholes in their security. He walked into the castle and followed his nose to the great hall where lunch was being served. Naruto could see that there were usually more tables filling the hall but for now there was a single round table. He picked a empty spot, sat down, and started filling his plate.

After eating for a few minutes, he noticed that the room had gone silent and everyone was looking at him. "What? Is there something on my face?"

"No, not at all, other than those distinguishing whisker-like birthmarks. But, I do wonder, since I do my very best to remember all the students at this school, who you might be." the old, obviously colorblind, man asked.

"I am not surprised you don't know me since I am not a student at this school. I don't think I am eligible to even be a student at this school considering I am a muggle." Harry waved his hand to perform a summoning charm for the salt. "That said, I am a very powerful muggle who knows what magic is, how it works, and could teach you to teach muggles how to use it, though that is not why I am here. I just came to deliver a Christmas present to Harry Potter, though I think it can wait until after the meal is finished. Oh, and my name is Naruto."

By the end of the meal, the tension had mostly ebbed away. The table had been cleared by the elves. "I suppose it's time then for the big unveil. I heard you were under a lot of pressure, murderous psychopath after you and all, so I helped you a bit. May I present: Lord Voldecorpse!" Voldemort's body, or what was left of it dropped out of a kamui and onto the table. Then there was screaming and running until only Naruto and Harry and Dumbledore were left in the room. "Is it just me or are wizards and witches wusses?"

"I'll admit that bravery is not the most prevalent trait among our kind," Dumbledore sighed.

Harry poked the corpse with his wand. "Is he really dead?"

"Not quite. That body is, and you don't have to worry about the main part of his soul, the idiot tried to possess me. Possession is the one attack that actually hurts you more than it hurts me. Most are just ineffective. I blew up Malfoy Manor a little bit, while most of the death eaters were inside, so you shouldn't have too much trouble getting the rest... Except for that one lodged in your forehead, I'll help you with that one." Naruto walked over to Harry, grabbed his head and pulled. Instead of pulling out Harry's soul, he pulled out Voldemort's. "Can one of you conjure a tortoise?"

"A tortoise?"

"I figure that even if this soul piece possesses a tortoise, we can destroy it before it gets away. If I just release it now, it will become a wraith and try and possess someone and it already knows not to possess me."

Dumbledore conjured a tortoise. Naruto placed the soul in the tortoise. "Amaterasu!" Black flames engulfed the tortoise and burned it away until there was nothing but ash. "Well that's one taken care of. I'll give you the full list so you can hunt after them later, he really wants to die. Too bad he doesn't know he's stuck where he is for eternity. What did you do to your hand, by the way? It looks nasty."

"One of Tom's other soul pieces had a nasty trap with a flesh rotting curse. I have not been able to remove it."

"Yep, that sucks." Naruto placed a hand on the old man's shoulder and blasted it with chakra, overwhelming the curse with sheer power. "Curse is gone." He switched to medical chakra, fixing the arm as well as the rest of the body, even stopping to do some detail work to fix the signs of dementia and senility that old age was surly causing the man. "And now you should feel as good as a man half your age."

"I do feel much better," Albus agreed.

"So, here is the list of where he left the soul pieces originally, I've crossed off the ones I know are destroyed. I am not sure how you will get the one in Gringotts vault but the others should be pretty straightforward with the instructions I gave you."

"Oh, my!"

"I certainly could have done it myself, but I thought I should let the 'chosen one' do something." Naruto grinned.

"Err... Thanks for your help."

"No," Naruto grinned, "Thank you. Oh, and Professor Dumbledore, expelliarmus. Harry I'll return your map once I figure out how it works and make a global version of it. I may or may not return the cloak depending on what happens when I combine it with this wand and the ring I pilfered from your headmaster's office. Trying to find a sacrifice-free way to revive the dead has always been a hobby of mine. The best I've come down to so far is a pudding cup for a civilian or a chicken for a warrior. I hope the deathly hallows will give me new avenues of research. But for now, I will give you twenty-four hours with your loved ones in payment." Three plastic cups of pudding inside wooden coffins appeared. Naruto closed the lids and they sunk into seals. "Kuchiyose: Edo Tensei: James, Lily, Ariana! Goodbye!"

Naruto disappeared into kamui to begin his study, noting that his clones were already beginning on the new apartment complex of requirement based on the spells that created the room of requirement in Hogwarts.


End file.
